I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
