Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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