Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
