She is in my trunk
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
