im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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