I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
What drink are we having for lunch?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
