he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
