We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
