'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
