I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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