...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
