I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
