Banned from zoo.
Again?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
