Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
