Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
