they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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