I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
there is puke in my bra ... again
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
