I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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