I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
