I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
