just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
