Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
