how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
