the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
