I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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