like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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