This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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