He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
