I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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