her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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