I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
