I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
