For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
