I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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