He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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