Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
