A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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