Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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