im about as happy as oj after his trial
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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