I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
