she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
They took my balls.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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