She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
