Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
