I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
