i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I will be naked everywhere
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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