the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
