I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Randomize
