Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Randomize
