Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
