I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
