I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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