I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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