Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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