Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
