please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize