1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
