I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
