He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
