I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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