He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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