Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
