mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
