Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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