dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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