why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
