I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
