all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
