Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
