so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
