Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
