The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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