piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
