so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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