Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
