Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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