So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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