The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
